I can’t believe this is happening again: Self-Sabotage

Recently I have noticed that any time I make pivotal decisions concerning my goals, exhaustion sets in. I’m not kidding.  When I make the decision to take action I immediately start feeling like my body is fighting something.  I get really tired and have to lie down.  It’s as though there is a magnetic force pulling my body to my bed because I seriously have to fight to get out of it. Sometimes my head hurts, I feel achy, and I start blowing my nose.  I have all the physical symptoms of a cold or flu.

Well, after several years of this happening (I know, it took me a while) I finally started taking notice. “Hey, anytime I make a decision to move forward on something important to me, something happens to get me off course” Yup, that’s exactly what I said one day.  It was true. Whenever I was ready for change I found a way to talk myself out of it.  Where was this coming from? Why would I on purpose talk myself out of something that I wanted, something positive, and something that could change my life for the better? It made no sense.  I believed in myself.  I knew that I could accomplish anything that I set my mind on accomplishing.  What’s going on?

Here’s a little back story. Many years ago I was happily married. My husband and I were on a very good path, life was good.  I was in the last few weeks of my pregnancy and we were excited about the life we were living and the life before us. One day the story changed; my husband unexpectedly passed away. I don’t think I need to say anymore about what followed next. Just know that his death had a far reaching effect on how I lived the rest of my life. From that day until many years later, I lived my life expecting anything good to be taken from me at any minute. Well, who wants to live that way right? So, how do you protect yourself from the hurt and pain of having the things you want being stripped from you? You do what you can (sometimes on purpose, most times not) to make sure that what you want never shows up in your life.

I share this with you so that you can pause and consider your life.  Are you choosing to not go after or follow through with your pursuit of what you want in your life because of …? For me, it was fear of what I wanted being taken away. Look back in your life and see if you recognize patterns of sabotaging behaviors or actions. Don’t allow fear of what “could” happen stop you from living your life to the full. You were created to live a rich and satisfying life (John 10:10 New Living Translation, Bible).  Don’t let fear keep you from living.

What have you been allowing to keep you from living a rich and satisfying life?


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